Remote Control Panty
Birthday Blues Say What
Jamie and Kurt are sweet, some successes in their thirties. Although love deeply, are often in conflict by seemingly minor issues, like most couples. Recently, just one week before wedding anniversary, which had a particular discussion offensive. Jamie expressed his displeasure with Kurt busy schedule and little time is to be with it. As usual, Kurt has pledged to do more and came across it. However, it did not address the real issues at hand, the problem was related to surface again. Jamie unwittingly began planting the seeds for the next fight, when he decided to introduce the theme of her birthday.
"Kurt just wanted to remind you that next week is our birthday and it is very important to plan something special for us. "
Kurt took a deep breath and said: "Jamie, you know I do not like the celebrations."
"Oh! Kurt Ven. It's really important to me." Memory Almost Jamie continued. "When you love someone, you try to do what is important to them, Right? I made plans last year and now it's your turn. Why not surprise me … very romantic! Okay?
Silent and distant, Kurt has made a slight nod, which was the guarantee that this anniversary is necessary Jamie would be exceptional. I could just work this week to fantasize about what Kurt would show his undying love. Finally, the day has arrived! Kurt had accepted his home for six. At 6:20 Jamie wanted. All eyes to watch, its fast pace. Finally, Kurt in the air close the door, holding a bouquet of red roses. Jamie took the roses with a shrewd smile, anticipating what would come next. Without even a glance, Kurt turned around, but I have a beer in the fridge, and fell on the couch, take the remote control.
Jamie, on balance, feel your blood turn to ice. "Is that all? "He asked.
"What?"
"This is it? It's our anniversary! Its Jamie grew stronger. "You said you plan something special and romantic, and this … "Shaking his fist in pink" that all? "
"Never I would do anything, "said Kurt." I told you it was not my thing. "
"Do not lie! You gesture!"
"No, I did not. I do not agree on anything. You always want to prove to me that I love you. I hate it! Although I would like to do something for our anniversary, I certainly do not after me say what you expect! Sad, Kurt returned to television. You take pleasure in everything.
Jamie cried. "Well, if you knew how to tell me you love me, I would not say anything. "
Without saying a word, Kurt off the television and left the house.
Again, Jamie and Kurt have been felt unheard and unappreciated. Their response has been conditioned to blame each other for their losses and angry moral behavior.
To understand how things were going so badly, we must take into account the interaction according to their intention to learn or are intended to protect.
Jamie begins to try to control making Kurt feel guilty. Kurt, who do not want to be controlled and can not communicate how it felt to be controlled, it moves in the resistance, which is their form of control. Jamie think that the realization of the fault (control) reach its goal of having a romantic anniversary. From Kurt feels frustrated by his inability to brewing express feelings, moves in silence (control). Finally, when Kurt comes home late and sits on the couch, which shows the passivity (Control) is complying with anger Jamie (control). Kurt uses more resistance (control) and Jamie use more anger and guilt (control). Kurt defensive (control) and disappears (control). Attack, strength, blaming, defending, and again … Do you know?
Neither Kurt nor Jamie want to hurt others. Unfortunately, they are not open to learning their own feelings and behaviors, or the other. The use of behavior control that safeguards and eliminates the need to effectively communicate their fear. Fear is what motivates its intention to control and in the face of fear, love fades.
Instead of every person who takes full responsibility for their own happiness and unhappiness, took the work to one another. Imagine that your feelings are a child within. Imagine what would happen if you had a real child was still trying to give others to care. This child would be mostly out of fear and insecurity. But that is exactly what happens when we do the other responsible for our feelings – Our child feels fear, insecurity, anger, depression, anxiety. Only when we take responsibility for our own feelings, what we do with the intention of learn, feel secure enough to forego the need to control and resist the control.
Jamie would be easy to blame their problems – if only is not needed, then angry, everything would be fine. It is equally easy to blame Kurt – if only it was more attentive and affectionate. However, until Kurt and Jamie are willing to take responsibility for their own feelings, and love themselves to each other and more important than the control or not being monitored, the conflicts will continue.
The act of support has nothing to do with guilt or blame. Each person who takes full responsibility for the elimination of the need to be right and that an element essential not result in a mature and reasonable. What if Jamie began with "Kurt, I love to celebrate our anniversary and we hate. Can we talk about what might work for us? "They could have solved the problem. And if Kurt had responded to Jamie first statements carefully control and openness in place of resistance, such as: "Honey, I know that I love the holidays, so if you please not wait to plan something. Let's talk about how we can make it work for both. "Any one of them could have moved to an intention to learn and take responsibility for creating what they wanted.
Each one of us have the option of starting noted our intention.
If every one of us change our intention to control love, and I learned to take responsibility our own feelings, participate in every healing of our relationship and therefore the healing of our planet.
About the Author
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